Delusions

A friend commented to me yesterday "Sometimes delusions help me get through the day."  Yes!  Yes they do.


As someone who tries to be mindful, present, eyes wide open and accepting - how can I accept the role delusion plays in my life? 

Perhaps acknowledging the existence and the fact that delusion can keep me from true happiness if I let it mislead me in large ways can allow me the space to also let delusion comfort me.


How do I delude myself?  Well, although I know death is as constant in life as anything else, most days I choose to believe my beloved older dog will live forever, as will my parents, my children, and everyone else I love.  When death does appear in my mind I try to see it as a reminder that each day, each moment in a life is a gift, and finite.

I see my life as a constant series of improvements, but I know deep down that is a wish as much as anything.  Change is not always good; if I am to come closer to the truth of my inner and essential goodness, then I'm going to have to work very hard.  "Things always get better......except when they don't :)"  If I want them to get better, it usually requires effort, sometimes in a physical sense, but always in a metaphysical sense.  The delusion is that the passage of time itself is an upward curve toward something better - that leads to a lot of complacency.  It also makes going to bed and facing tomorrow a lot easier.

Sometimes I believe our birth culture is going to become more humane and safer.  It breaks my heart to admit this is a delusion.  There is some evidence for more humane - many younger doctors are much more compassionate to their patients, but not much evidence at all for safer.  And I delude myself that women will take birth back and move it in that humane and safe direction, but there's not much evidence of that either (on any kind of large scale or societal level).  This is a delusion I feel I must cling to if I'm going to continue to do birth work and support my clients in a hopeful way, but in darker moments I wonder what my own daughters will face in 10 or 20 years.  It's a delusion that masks the pain of my own powerlessness.

My sense of control over my life is certainly delusion.  But I'm not giving that one up quite yet.  Are you?  The world is a scary chaotic place and the thought that I can keep my children safe, and happy, and myself as well, is one I cling to desperately.

Let it go.....let it all go......It's what I tell the mamas when they think they can't do another contraction.  Let go of your delusions about what labor is or what you can bear and you can birth this baby.  Yes. 

Let go of your delusions and you will be set free and know truth.  Nirvana.  At least the Buddhists believe so.  My heart tells me this is so.  But, I'm not ready quite yet.  I still have today to get through.