Day 2 of Gratitude and Gifts: Thanksgiving

11 years ago my husband was given the gift of sobriety, although it didn't feel like a gift at the time.  It felt like a brutal, life-shattering slap across the face.  He lost his job, on the day before Thanksgiving, and in the aftermath of his coming clean about his addiction, he almost lost me.  Somehow we made it through, and somehow, for 11 (probably long sometimes) years, he's been clean.  I am so grateful for his twelve step program and for all of the other addicts who have helped him along the way.  I am so grateful for the immense power of gifts that slap you across the face and feel nothing like a gift.  I am grateful for learning and the freedom that comes from letting go of what's hurting you.

Happy Anniversary Mike.

29 Days of Gratititude

I've written about the 29 Gifts giving challenge and book, and what an amazing wonderful experience it is.  Today I'm beginning it again, along with 29 days of gratitude.  This seems like a perfect season for a focus on thankfulness.  So each day I will write about my gift to give and my gift of thanksgiving.


Day 1:  Today I woke up so thankful for my children, for everything they have taught me and the way they love me no matter what happens in our lives.  I told my childbirth class on Monday evening, "Don't let the stereotype scare you - teenagers are WONDERFUL."  They may not be cute and cuddly in the same way that newborns are, but they are such good listeners.  And they can make you laugh and teach you so much about being silly and being in the moment.  I am so grateful to be right where I am right now, a mom of two sleeping-in-late, fingernail polish and boy obsessed, sass-talking girls.

My gift for today - letting these two lovely sleep in on their day-before-Thanksgiving day off and trusting them to make the pies for tomorrow's celebration - chocolate pecan and Elvis, all by themselves.  Yum.

I'm also mailing off, with lots of love, a little baby hat for one of my sweet doula mama's second baby.  I wish I could hug her in person.

Here's what the hat looks like:

Only the color is a soft cream, like French vanilla ice cream.  I hope it keeps little Celeste nice and toasty warm.

Welcome home

I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus but it's good to be back and starting my Monday with this post.

Our family took a little vacation to visit family in Park City Utah, celebrating my daughter's sweet 16th birthday while we were there.  I think it was one of our best vacations ever - even though we didn't even leave the house on many days.  We just hung out, cooked, ate, played games, watched the little ones chase each other through the house.  It was love filled and felt very full.  I woke up last Monday, back home in my own bed, feeling revived and just filled up with love and the good feeling of abundance that comes when you've been surrounded by those who love you.  Every morning since I've woke with the same feelings, and begun my day with some affirmations - Om Shanti, Om Mani Padme Um, Thank you God, May all beings know love.......

This last week brought a surprise visit from out of town friends and a nice long soak in the hot springs while we caught up.  I was also inspired listening to a talk by one of my favorite children's authors - Jeanne Duprau, author of the City of Ember series, which I'm in the middle of right now.  Jeanne spoke of writing about what you love, and big ideas that you never stop being curious about.  I'm not aspiring to a novel, but even a dabbler like me can be inspired by a master to write a little more, and hopefully, improve a bit.

Last night we had a dinner and Apples to Apples with old friends.  It feels so good to connect again.  And to enjoy Bella's dark chocolate cheesecake - amazing with friend Kim's brownies.  (I know that sounds like too much - but honestly, it was heaven).

Today I am working on some new Indian slow cooker recipes, baking bread, taking the dogs for a hike, and hanging out with Bella this afternoon.  She is beginning a new adventure and I'm so excited for her - more to come later about that.

This morning I want to end with a prayer of gratitude for one of my best friends in the whole world - our Lab-Kelpie mix Bear Cub, 12 years young and not quite himself these days.  I think he's losing his sight, and he's sore a lot, he doesn't follow me around all day like he used to.  Once upon a time there was just me and Buddy on the trail, and I could never ask for a more loyal friend.  He is good and sweet and tolerant.  For you Buddy - may you know love and happiness and comfort today.  May your heart be light.  I love you. 

May all beings be surrounded by love

From Artist Lori Portka

My wish for you today,

May you always know you are loved.

Comfort food - Carrot Cake Pancakes and Love

When I make breakfast for my teens before they go to school, they actually sit down, eat and start their day well.  But often I'm very tired in the morning and we all just scrounge the kitchen eating maybe an apple, and unfortunately, sometimes they don't eat at all- throwing me an "I'm not hungry" as they bolt out the door.  Not surprisingly those days are often not good ones for them, or me, as the mom-guilt settles in.

This week I have worked only afternoons so I've been able to sleep later AND make breakfast.  Ah, the ideal world.  Yesterday I picked up this delightful new cookbook at my library, "Joy the Baker Cookbook, 100 Simple and Comforting Recipes."  Like me, Joy excels at finding ways to make every meal more like dessert.

So this morning I made Carrot Cake Pancakes (doesn't that just sound wonderful?). 

Imagine 

  +

=

Something really wonderful!

My girls loved them.  I loved spending the extra 10 minutes all together to start the day.  When we used to homeschool, we spent all day together, every day.  Honestly, sometimes that made me crazy, but I do miss them most days.  10 minutes isn't much, but knowing they are fed well and feel well loved in the morning matters.

Thank you Joy the Baker for the inspiration.  Please do check out her blog, it's just delicious.

Here's the recipe, in case you need a "Simple and Comforting" recipe.  (I changed a few things - I'll give you my variation).

Carrot Cake Pancakes w/ Yogurt Cream Cheese Topping

Stir together 1 cup flour (I used 3/4 cup oat flour and 1/4 cup white flour), 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/4 tsp baking pwd, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, 1/2 tsp cinnamon.  Make a well in the center and pour in 1 cup buttermilk (see note at bottom), 1 egg, 1/2 tsp vanilla, 2 tbsp brown sugar.  Mix up, then add 2 cups finely shredded carrots and 2 tbsp chopped walnuts (opt).  Mix well and cook on a buttered griddle.
For the topping, stir together yogurt cheese (or softened cream cheese) with a couple tablespoons real maple syrup and a sprinkle of cinnamon.  Spread over hot pancakes and add more syrup if you like.
How to make yogurt cheese:  Take plain, whole milk yogurt (store bought or homemade) and tie up 2 cups in a dense cheese cloth or plain lightweight dish cloth (the big flour-sack type you can buy for cheap at Wal Mart work great).  Bring all the corners up and tie w/ some string.  Hang the string from under a cupboard and let drain over a bowl.  Lots of whey will drain out.  Let it drain overnight and in the morning you will have nice thick smooth yogurt cheese that you can you use in place of cream cheese.

You can use the whey in place of the buttermilk (or part of the buttermilk) in this or any recipe.  You can also use it in cream soups, bread recipes etc, just about any that calls for liquid milk or buttermilk.

Living with no regrets

Today I read a post on FB about a mom in my community who lost her little boy, just a toddler.  He never woke from his nap, after spending the day at his first friend's birthday party, seeing horses out his window and giving love and kisses to his family.  It's hard not to feel your heart breaking just knowing this.

His mom encouraged each person reading to live each moment, just like he did.  And to love.  She has no regrets.  When you live each moment, when you truly see the love in each human, there is nothing to regret.  What a kind gift for a grieving mother to pass to each of us.  Thank you.

I will do my part and remember this lesson today.  And tomorrow I will wake up and remember it all over again.  That is all we can ever do.

I've learned so much about the moment from my girls.  Little ones know better than to waste this precious time worrying the future or regretting the past.

The Buddha in our Zen garden,
an offering of a plum from Bella's tree

I have come to drag you out of yourself, and take you in my heart. I have come to bring out the beauty you never knew you had and lift you like a prayer to the sky 

~Rumi

Namaste.  May you know peace today.

Bread pudding is one of my family's favorite desserts, especially when it's cold out.  This is a recipe from one of my mom's old sorority cookbooks, from Diane Howell in Texas.  Scroll to the bottom for some yummy variations.  We love it because it's more custard and less bread.

Custard Bread Pudding

Beat 4 eggs, 1 cup sugar, 2 cups milk, 1/2 cup melted butter (cooled), and 1 tsp vanilla.  Stir in 5 chopped up slices of bread.  Pour into a 9 X 13 baking dish, buttered.  Sprinkle w/ a 1/4 cup of sugar mixed w/ a 1/2 tsp cinnamon.  Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes, until golden brown and set.  Serve warm or cold.

*Important note:  most bread pudding recipes, including this one, work best with sturdy firm stale bread.  Too fresh or soft bread just gets mushy.  We like homemade whole wheat, sourdough, ciabatta, or challah bread.  I freeze the last few stale slices from each loaf and save up to use for this treat.

Variations:  sliced bananas and chocolate chips; chopped apples, pears or peaches + nuts; fresh blueberries and cream cheese cut into chunks; caramel or chocolate sauce on top.  Any variation is yummy with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.  You can also use half the sugar and it turns out just fine.  Brown sugar gives a nice caramelly flavor.

Gratitude and gifts

Autumn is my favorite time of year.  I love the colors and the clean air, the clear blue sky and putting on a sweater again.  I love the way fall inspires gratitude in my heart.  It must have something to do w/ canning or garden harvesting, or maybe just the beauty of the world around me.

These a few of my favorite fall images - favorites because they recall a beautiful day spent with those I love.

Autumn in Yellowstone Park

2012 at the Gallatin River, September

2010 October at the Gallatin River

Today I continue my 29 Day Giving cycle and I feel more grateful each day for the insights this practice is bringing.  Some meaningful gifts in the past few days - a gift of friendship and reconnection with several women I admire, a workshop that helped me understand my own reactions better and interact with more empathy with all those in my life, some lovely simmering potpourri on the stove making the whole house smell like cinnamon and oranges and cloves, the chance to eat lunch with my daughters today.  When I start thinking deeply about the gifts in my life, it all begins to feel like a gift.

Bella

I'm really proud of my youngest today.  She is one of the "things" on my list of gratitude each and every day.

She picked out a puppy in June, and he was probably the sweetest guy in the litter to begin with, but he's only gotten sweeter and more obedient because she gives him such loving attention.  She has such a way with animals.  He just adores her and he's such a fun puppy because of his sweet disposition.  I love that he's very rowdy but if you just say "gentle" he gives you a little look, then puts his teeth away.  He wants to be good for you.

She's been so lucky this fall to have a great volleyball team.  Almost all the girls have been so positive and so encouraging to each other.  Bella is "Miss Encouraging" always on her team, and I love that maybe it's rubbing off.  She makes it ok to smile and shake off mistakes and go after the ball, even when there's little chance of touching it.  Yesterday, she got the game winning serving in a very tight match.  It's so awesome when all that hard work pays off and you see that giant smile and 12 girls jumping up and down cheering.

This weekend she's doing a campout with a youth group where she hardly knows anyone.  I know she is nervous, but she bravely said "YES!" when the opportunity came up.  It's going to be cold, she might have to hike a lot more than she likes, but there will be campfires and s'mores and hopefully new friends.  I'm so proud of her for bring brave enough to jump in the deep end.

She's wanted to play guitar forever and is finally getting the chance - her volleyball coach is her amazing guitars teacher and she loves it.  It's so good to hear her playing music again.  And I have to add, I think she's pretty good for someone who just barely started.

Whole Wheat Bread

Here's my favorite whole wheat bread recipe (with variations).  Someone requested it yesterday, so here goes.  If you'd like a serious bread baking adventure you can check out my sourdough recipe at SpinningLaughingDancing.

Whole Wheat Bread

Dissolve 2 pkg active dry yeast (4 1/2 tsp) in 1/4 cup lukewarm water.

In a large mixing bowl combine 1/4 cup canola oil (put it in a half cup measure then use same for honey and your honey won't stick), 1/2 cup honey, 2 tsp salt, 2 1/2 cups hot water.  Add 3 cups whole wheat flour and mix on low speed until moistened.  Then on medium for 3 minutes.  Add another 1 1/2 cups whole wheat, then slowly add in 2 3/4 to 3 3/4 cups white flour until dough forms a nice ball that is just slightly sticky to the touch but the sides of bowl are clean.  Start w/ a paddle and change to a dough hook when the dough begins to ball.

Put the dough into a greased glass bowl and let it rise until doubled in size.  I turn my oven on to it's lowest temp and then turn it OFF (that's really important!), and put the bowl in oven to rise, because it's cold where I live.  Cover the bowl w/ a clean dish cloth while it rises.

Now punch it down and turn it out onto a pastry mat.  Divide it in two and roll each into a nice long oblong rectangle, then beginning at the side nearest you, roll it up tightly until you have a loaf. Put each in a greased bread pan and let rise again, until double or nice and high above the bread pan - 30-45 minutes, covering again.

Heat the oven to 375.  Bake for 30 minutes, then turn oven down to 325 and bake another 10 minutes.  Loaves should be brown and sound hollow when tapped on top.  Let cool a few minutes and turn out onto a wire rack to completely cool.  Don't slice until cool.

Variations:  I usually add in a cup of whole oats w/ the liquid in beginning, some sesame seeds (these give a really nice sweet flavor), ground flax (1/2 cup or so) and some ground oat flour (I just use my blender to grind whole oats) for some of the whole wheat flour.  I've made this recipe w/ all whole grains (no white), and it's good, just won't rise as high and it's more dense.  You can also spread the rolled out bread dough w/ butter, then sprinkle w/ brown sugar and cinnamon and roll up really tight to make your loaf, for cinnamon swirl bread.  Really yummy toast on a cold day.  You could also change the water for scalded milk or use whey from cheese making.


There is no change for high altitude.

I will soon share my recipe for Custard Bread Pudding - the very best reason to bake bread IMO!!

Gifts: Days 8, 9 & 10

Day 8:  My gift was a loaf of home-baked bread to my sweet friend Sandra.  This was really a small gesture of gratefulness because each year for the past many, she has let me come pick from her huge garden at the end of the season.  This year I brought home potatoes, chard, spinach, parsley, onions, carrots, beets and broccoli - all organic and delicious.  Just seeing her family's garden is really a gift.  And Sandra is the kindest, most giving of people.  While we picked she told me how she is going to start distributing free cloth diapers to mamas who need them.  I'm so lucky to call her a friend.

The second part of this gift is really cool too.  Because Sandra has such a large garden I am able to take food not only for my family, but for my friend/neighbors too.  So I got the joy of sharing all this bounty.  That feels really good.

Day 9:  Yesterday I brought a hot chocolate to my dh.  He was so happy and grateful.  It felt like a really good gift.  He's now working in suddenly very cold conditions outside, all day long.  The day before it was in the 70s, but yesterday brought snow.  I am happy for the snow, for many reasons - putting out our wildfires, cleaning the smoke from the air, bringing moisture to our dry climate, and because snow is really beautiful.  I celebrated by taking my dogs for a little snow hike - Mr. Ed's first time playing in the snow.  Predictably, he loved it!!  (Mr. Ed is known to be so easy going and fun loving, he can have fun just about anywhere).

Dh with his cocoa treat

Day 10:  Today I sponsored my friend at work for Bowl for Kids Sake.  That was easy!!  I'm also driving pretty far to watch my youngest play volleyball this afternoon - probably the last game I'll get to see.  That feels like a gift for both of us.  And my friend just invited me to walk dogs with her.  That will be a huge gift for me.  Thank you Universe for answering my call - to help me feel better today.

Giving Challenge days 6 & 7

My sweet family

Day 6:  The gift of forgiveness for someone I love, for in forgiving another, you learn that forgiveness for your own mistakes is possible.

Day 7:  I'm doing various chores today for my family - laundry for my dh, cleaning a tub in my girls' bathroom, and planning good things to eat for the week (AND doing the shopping).  Small gifts, but from a place of love.


These were the words on my green tea bag tag this morning, a small blessing I pass to you:

May you have love, 

kindness

and compassion 

for all 

living things.

Day 5 - Pancakes :)

My gift today is one of patience (well, sort of patience, still working on that one) and being a peacemaker in my family.  This is not a job I enjoy and one that I often just refuse to do.  But today, with much love, listening and reframing, I think can see some progress between two very hurt and angry people, who just happen to love each other very much.  Gifts are all about intention, and waking up to yelling today, I promised myself that I would help in whatever way I could, despite wanting to simply grab the dogs and leave for many hours.  The dogs and I will still have our little adventure, but I think a couple of hearts are feeling a tiny bit better because I chose to help.

Here's my gift to you today: 

Pumpkin Oat Pancakes 

(somehow everyone at my house is feeling better after a big plate)

2 cups ground whole oats (it will resemble flour)
1 tsp salt
1 1/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon

2 cups buttermilk or whole milk mixed w/ a tsp vinegar and/or part plain or vanilla yogurt (more yogurt results in a thicker batter)
2 eggs
1/4 cup oil
1/2 cup pureed pumpkin or canned

Mix dry ingredients and wet ingredients separately, then stir together.  Cook on a griddle and serve w/ butter and maple syrup.  (The oat flour results in a somewhat fragile pancake - a little trickier to flip than usual.  If you want easy to flip cakes, just sub some white or whole wheat flour for some of the oat flour).

Enjoy!

Day 4 Gifts

It's bound to happen.  Every time I have done the 29 Day Giving Challenge I'm amazed by the gifts that flood into my life (or perhaps I just start seeing more things as gifts?  That is a gift too).

Today I was not feeling great about some lingering pain I have recovering from a small surgery earlier this month.  After days of phone tag with my doctor,  I finally could speak with him and he gave the proverbial head scratch, and a prescription.   I actually like my doctor (both as a physcian and as a kind human being) but I don't love much about Western medicine and I was feeling a little let down about his recommendation.  (I'll report in a couple days if the script is actually helping me!)  Then my dh texted me:  "Meet me for lunch, I'll take work off early."  This almost never happens, and aha, felt very much like a gift.  We had a really lovely lunch together.

His gift found me in a much better mood because of MY gift:  45 minutes of doula time with a good friend from my work who is feeling challenged by her choices right now.  I listened, gave some info, some advice, a lot of support.  I hope it helped.  She knows exactly the best choice for her birth, she's just having trouble making a decision.  I know she'll get there.

I miss being a doula.  I miss the connection with other women and the sense that I can help the most important day of their lives be a little bit better.  Talking with my friend really filled my heart today.  I think I need to stop saying "I USED to be a doula."  While I may not do this work full time anymore, my doula heart is alive and beating.

29 day giving challenge

 I've read Cami Walker's book, "The 29 Gifts" many times now and taken on her challenge - giving a gift every day for 29 days straight - a few times.  Each time I'm amazed at how this simple act can bring so much healing and happiness to my life.  I felt like I was due for a spiritual/happiness tuneup, so I'm beginning again.

I'm on day 3 of this 29 day giving challenge.  Day one I gave the gift of time - a long lunch and chat and many hugs to a dear friend (really a gift to myself too).  It felt so good to connect with her. 

Day two, I bought a blue and brown striped photo album with a big baby blue bow, for a my brother and his wife, to celebrate their new grandson.  We are not close, and usually I am ok with that, but seeing the two of them holding this new little child, I felt my heart bursting with love and happiness for them.  The birth of a baby, the first grandchild, seemed so special to me, and I wanted to share my joy with them and send a gift.

Today (day 3) is a very funny gift.  Our family has a 6 month old puppy, and unfortunately he has to be home alone for a few hours every day while kids are at school and grown-ups are at work.  He has our other 2 dogs to keep him company, but today he went a little crazy and chewed up everything in sight.  I walked in and took a long look, let out a huge sigh, then saw his sweet face, sending me an apology with those big brown eyes.  Instead of disciplining him I gave him some love and attention.  And then I took him out for some needed exercise.  The rest of this afternoon is a gift to myself - I'm recovering from a surgery and haven't been resting enough, so for the next few hours I'm going to chill out.

Crepes for breakfast

My 13 year old learned to make crepes on Father's Day this year.  She loves to cook, the fancier the better and she came up with a fabulous crepe cake, layered with whipping cream, chocolate ganache and sweetened condensed milk and cream cheese.  Wow.  And topped with fresh blueberries.  It was very impressive and super yum.  If you want to try a "crepe cake" just cook up your batch of crepes and layer them up w/ the filling of your choice (chocolate, jam, pie filling, cooked fruit, etc) and top w/ sauce, frosting or powdered sugar.  Or take my daughter's approach and try everything at once.

Yesterday for the 4th of July she made crepes for breakfast, with whipped cream, strawberries and blueberries, very cute red, white and blue theme.  She had some left over batter this morning and came up with the best recipe ever:  crepes + Hershey's bars!  Our new favorite breakfast.  Just cook your crepe, break up some chocolate bar on the cooked side when you flip it, and voila!  Melty chocolatey goodness.  You could add bananas too, if you want to get fruity.

B's trick for cooking crepes (reported to be tricky) - just keep trying.  Try out different utensils for flipping.  The right one makes all the difference.  And remember, crumpled up crepes are pretty tasty too.  I love it when something as simple as a crepe and chocolate can make a kid feel accomplished.

Cupcake parfait!

 

http://www.marthastewart.com/318202/moist-devils-food-cake

Sweet and clever B made these fab Devil's Food Cupcake parfaits w/ chocolate whipped cream.  

So yummy!!