I don't usually talk about birth here, but today I want to. I'm always pretty surrounded by birthing women, but this moment feels especially wonderful, as I am waiting on a homebirth mama who I will help as a doula, lots of birth class mamas who are due soon, and two amazing far-away friends who will birth in the coming weeks as well.
I want to share a snippet of a discussion with one of those dear friends - she had called me to wish a happy birthday, and I barricaded myself in the tub so we could have a nice long talk. This is her second baby; I was her doula with her first, which ended quite suddenly in cesarean. Now she is awaiting a much different experience. Tomorrow she will journey with her family to her birth place, her home away from home, at her midwife's farm, where she will spend a few or many days, waiting patiently on her baby. She will eat delicious food, "vacation" a bit with her husband and little girl, while away cozy hours in her cabin, just resting and waiting. Doesn't that sound lovely? A quiet break from busy life in preparation for her birth journey.
This quiet, private, calm atmosphere and philosophy about birth will be very different, of course. But that's not the biggest change from last time.
We talked this morning of the place of trust within birth, how she feels about her midwife and the way she simply does not need to question her judgment or care. It's not that she's stopped thinking or taking responsibility for her birth or care, it's that there is no battle of views, no "safety" vs comfort, no wondering if her midwife is doing what's in her own best interest or what's in her client's. "Allowed" is not part of the vocabulary. Instead, she used the word "trust" over and over again. How rested and excited she feels about her birth, knowing whatever happens will be the very best outcome for both she and her baby. She won't wonder what if or have to come prepared to battle for what she may need to birth well. She trusts completely that her midwife will know if all is well, or not. She trusts that her midwife will feel calm in watching her labor in whatever way she needs, without judgments or arbitrary rules.
I thought later how her outcome is really already assured. She will have a good birth because it will come in this sacred place of trust, how exactly doesn't matter quite so much. She has already accepted the role of luck in birthing, and that neither she nor her midwife controls the outcome.
I am reminded of a birth I attended about a year ago, a VBAC mama too. Her 2nd birth was so very different from her first - in the details, but also in the quiet calm trusting manner in which she labored. Her birth ended with a cesarean, and I would never say something like major surgery to birth a child just doesn't matter, but because of the trust she had, in her midwife, her body, her partner, her intuition that the right thing was happening, it was such a lovely birth. Her recovery was fast, she felt emotionally whole.
Trust, deep trust, leads to emotional wholeness for birthing women. What would it mean, in every birth setting, if women could feel that? Familiarity and comfort and lack of defensive medicine certainly set homebirth apart and lead to a very high rate of satisfaction among homebirthing women, but I think it's trust with a capital T that leads to the safe, whole and happy outcomes there.
I hope my friend gets just the birth she is hoping for, and I know I'm not wishing for much, because really, she has already guaranteed that she will. I trust that.
